KarynPolewaczyk.com

GPS [Gee Pi Ess] (verb): The purposeful avoidance of a particular coffee shop, bar or restaurant—and in some extreme cases, entire neighborhoods—to decrease the potential of running into a former flame or freshly-hooked up prospect before deemed safe to casually run into said former flame or prospect. This may include crossing state lines to purchase groceries, sending gay male friends to fetch miniature cups of espresso while you hover behind a display of assorted baked goods, and other maverick-like moves as to disassociate oneself from ‘stalker’ status.

The takeaway

What’s more delicious: fresh berries from the farmer’s market near his apartment, or free reign to continue to abuse Facebook’s search capabilities as you see, err, fit?

Brunch [bruhnch] (verb): A fancy way for white girls to binge eat in the company of other white girls who are secretly judging each other for binge eating. This activity is notably marked by the discussion of boyfriends’ past and present, lackluster coworkers and a flurry of manicured fingernails when the bill is ultimately split 13 ways on separate credit cards.

I’ve got spinning at 9, power yoga at 10 and a facial at 11. Want to brunch, at, like, noon?

Sleeping Beauty [sleep-ing byoo-tee] (verb): The contrived act of sleeping gracefully and soundly while under perceived observation of a bedmate, and, consequently, while wide awake. This act may involve morphing into unnatural, swan-like poses; faux-yawning with the utmost of delicate sighs; feline stretching to emphasize positive physical attributes—a bountiful rump, for example—while minimizing flaws (mascara crusted onto eyebrows; legs stubbed with five o’clock shadows; less-than-svelte upper arms); and fluttering eyelashes upon rising, with the goals of 1. looking as preternaturally perfect as possible and 2. morning sex. You are but a dainty female, and the world is your stamen.

Birth Control [burth kun-trohl]: See also:

•Uncontrollable Screaming Children in the Middle of TJ Maxx/Whole Foods/The MBTA;

•Snippets of One’s Upstairs Neighbors’ Arguments About Whether to go to Costco Before or After Jake’s Hockey Practice; and

•That Time In Kindergarten When You Called Your Teacher ‘Mom’ by Mistake in Front of The Whole Class—God, That Was Mortifying