Detective [Dih Tek Tiv] (noun): That moment when, on a first date, a single girl must muster every ounce of willpower to not interject the conversation with random facts and figures learned by vigorously Googling and/or Facebook stalking her male companion before their dinner reservation. He’s originally from New Hampshire (Concord, check); went to school somewhere on the West Coast (he was a champion Division 3 sports star and majored in psychology); wears a lot of blue (but what’s up with those khaki cargo shorts?), just emerged from a long-term relationship (she seems pretty, but you know you’re at least a notch ahead of her when it comes to hip-to-waist ratio), and thus is easing back onto the dating scene with the caution of a cat on a tightrope (he likes brownie sundaes and his favorite band is The Black Keys!).
A single girl must also be prepared to defend herself if she accidentally lets this premeditated knowledge slip during the date; for example, if her beau asks how she knew his mom’s name is ‘Alice,’ she might respond with a nonchalant shrug, or casually mention that “Lots of moms around our moms’ age are named ‘Alice’,” refraining from winking slyly as to not appear completely batshit crazy.