Detective [Dih Tek Tiv] (noun): That moment when, on a first date, a single girl must muster every ounce of willpower to not interject the conversation with random facts and figures learned by vigorously Googling and/or Facebook stalking her male companion before their dinner reservation. He’s originally from New Hampshire (Concord, check); went to school somewhere on the West Coast (he was a champion Division 3 sports star and majored in psychology); wears a lot of blue (but what’s up with those khaki cargo shorts?), just emerged from a long-term relationship (she seems pretty, but you know you’re at least a notch ahead of her when it comes to hip-to-waist ratio), and thus is easing back onto the dating scene with the caution of a cat on a tightrope (he likes brownie sundaes and his favorite band is The Black Keys!).
A single girl must also be prepared to defend herself if she accidentally lets this premeditated knowledge slip during the date; for example, if her beau asks how she knew his mom’s name is ‘Alice,’ she might respond with a nonchalant shrug, or casually mention that “Lots of moms around our moms’ age are named ‘Alice’,” refraining from winking slyly as to not appear completely batshit crazy.
June 21st, 2012 at 10:53 am
that’s what girls do before dates?! This explains a lot. I should probably stop putting up Facebook status updates about Franklin & Bash and what my dog is doing.